As an impressionable teen growing up in the Church, I consumed many Catholic purity and relationship books and talks. Growing in my faith, I was excited about the prospect of marriage that would glorify God. I dreamed of going to college, meeting the future husband I prayed countless rosary novenas for, then getting married and living happily ever after. I remember even reading a Catholic speaker's memoir on how she prayed hard for her future husband and wrote letters to him as a teenager, before meeting him in college. I anticipated a similar fairytale for myself. God surely grants the desires of the heart, doesn't He?
In short, that was not ultimately my story, nor were they my truest desires. Today, while I still wholeheartedly believe in the precepts of the Church regarding human sexuality (in fact, I'd argue that I firmly believe in them more than I did before), I no longer believe marriage to be the pinnacle of the Christian life. Nor if I pray hard enough and be a "good, pure" Christian girl, that God is bound to give me the man and marriage of my dreams.
Of course, I take full responsibility for my past beliefs. But it did not mean that there were no external influences involved...both secular and religious.
Dante's Divine Comedy: The Gravity and Insignificance of Erotic Love During those years, I read Dante's Divine Comedy: Inferno, Purgatorio, and Paradiso. Rich in symbolism, the poet touches on the seven deadly sins in hell and Purgatory, which of course includes lust. In Paradiso, saints who were classified as "lovers" belonged to the Sphere of Venus. All souls who were categorized by actions pertaining to erotic love have one thing in common: in the hierarchy of sins and virtues, they rank the least significant.
This may come as surprising to us in the modern age, when sins of the flesh are openly celebrated and have an immense stronghold in the lives of many. But this Renaissance poet well-versed in theology had a different perspective.
In hell, the lustful are condemned to the first circle, compared to the ninth and last circle reserved for traitors and satan himself in the bowels of the earth. In Purgatory, lust is the final sin to be purged at the top of the mountain, after reparation has been made for the graver sins of malice at the bottom. In Paradise, the sphere of lovers is the third lowest, closest to earth, while contemplatives--particularly consecrated celibates--are in the second-highest sphere, symbolizing their great intimacy and love for God.
For Dante, erotic love is the least important in the whole of the Christian life. This does not mean it is spiritually insignificant; marriage, of course, is a sign of the love between Christ and His Church, a conduit of grace. The human body and its ability to express love and create life is grave and sacred matter. Anything that thwarts its nature as an exclusive, lifelong bond between one man and one woman, open to the creation of new human beings, is seriously sinful.
Mortal sin is mortal sin. As a professor of mine commented on the lustful souls, "they're still in hell!"
Yet one must consider the implications of Dante's ideas: in the grand scheme of things, being swept away by one's passions is not as depraved as doing violence to one's self or neighbor. Defrauding others. Grasping for divine power through witchcraft. Literally stabbing a best friend in the back (Brutus and Cassius being two of the three eternally chewed up by satan). This of course is not a free pass to believe that because we're not murderers we are free to commit sins of the flesh, or that we are somehow morally superior than them. Dante's purpose is to demonstrate the "both/and" of human sexuality: it is both grave in one way, and minuscule in the other.
This too, is evident in Paradiso: Dante's guide, Beatrice, explains that all the saints dwell with God outside of time and space, but these celestial spheres serve to show the greatness of their love. The larger the capacity to love God, the closer a soul is to Him.
The souls of the lovers put so much stock in romance, which is why they rank lower in the heavenly hierarchy; their focus on earthly relationships left little room to love God with a whole heart. Dante does not specify whether these saints were married or not--the fact is, even a good and beautiful love as eros risks pulling one's heart from the One who is most worthy to possess it. St. Paul speaks about this in his first letter to the Corinthians:
"The unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please the Lord, but the married man is anxious about the affairs of the world, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided." -1 Cor. 7:32-34
This is not to say those who marry will not become saints or never experience intimacy with God. It is important, though, to remember the nature of marriage: a state only meant for earthly life, and a means to Heaven, not Heaven itself. In the words of Christ, "there will be no marriage and giving in marriage" in the afterlife (Matt. 22:30). There's a reason why wedding vows say "till death do us part." It is a SIGN of the most perfect marriage between the Bride and the Lamb. The end goal is union with Christ.
One may love passionately in the romantic sense, even in the proper context of matrimony. But for Dante--and really, the Church--the love between husband and wife is not the greatest glory in the Christian life.